This is why you don't let Itachi drive
by Dawn Of Shirotsuki
Summary: What happens when the Akatsuki live as normal humans in our world and have to go to the store and only Itachi is able to drive? Chaos, madness, swearing and a sick Kisame.


_**This is why you don't let Itachi drive.**_

_ It was a typical night in the Akatsuki house. Pein was sitting in his favorite comfy recliner with Konan in his lap, reading the paper while she typed up a paper for school. Deidara was sitting on the floor working on yet another clay statue with Sasori sitting on the couch behind him, making comments while repairing one of his many puppets. Itachi was sitting on the other end of the couch Sasori was on, reading a book. Kisame was over at his fish tank, feeding his fish and talking to them. Hidan and Kakuzu were sitting at the table in the living room playing poker, Kakuzu laughing as he won yet another hand while Hidan swore at the top of his lungs, earning him glares from Konan, Pein, and Itachi while Tobi, who was watching Scooby Doo on T.V, called him a bad boy for swearing, earning himself a glare. Zetsu, who had been outside, coming back inside from tending to his garden._

_ "Don't look at my cards you bastard. I'm going to piss." Hidan announced, standing from his seat. Konan looked up at this._

_ "I just remembered, were out of toilet paper." She said, pushing some hair behind her ear._

_ "So, who's going to make a store run? I don't feel like leaving, Konan's busy with school work, I don't trust Hidan behind the wheel-"_

_ "HEY YOU FUCKING JACKASS!"_

_ "-Kisame's license is suspended, Kakuzu's ban from driving, Tobi and Deidara are too young to drive, Sasori's a lead foot, Zetsu can't drive cause he never learned how. Looks like the only one that can drive is Itachi but he's legally blind." Pein said, continuing after Hidan's interruption. Itachi raised his hand._

_ "I can drive Pein-sama I can see well enough for that." He said._

_ "Fine but take a few people with you. Last thing we need is you getting lost, again." Pein commented with a wave of his hand._

_ "Well I need some more clay and some new tools yeah." Deidara piped up, standing. Sasori stood as well._

_ "I need some new wood varnish for my puppets."_

_ "I need to get more food for my fish." Kisame added. With a nod Itachi and the others headed for the door, Kisame having to tug his arm to keep him from walking into the poker table. Soon the four were out the door and headed to the car._

_ "Pein-sama are you sure this was a good idea? You know, letting Itachi drive? You know he has horrible road rage." Konan said as she continued typing. Pein looked thoughtful for a moment._

_ "Kami help us. Let's just hope they don't get pulled over or run someone over." He said with a sigh. Konan nodded in agreement before turning her attention back to her paper._

_ Outside the four got into Itachi's rather small black car, all of them putting on their seat belts before the car started. After cranking the car, Itachi pulled out of the loop drive way and got out onto the main road._

_ The drive went smoothly at first until the group hit the highway after nearly missing the exit._

_ "Why are these people driving so slowly?!" Itachi growled in a very uncharacteristic manor. Sasori and Kisame looked at him wide eyed from the back seat as Deidara looked over at him in horror, now regretting his demand to be Itachi's co-pilot just so he could sit up front. Itachi, getting an evil glint in his eye, began to speed up, swerving in and out of traffic, causing his passengers to scream._

_ "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

_ -Back at the house-_

_ Tobi, having finished his show, decided to ask Pein a question since Hidan was out of the room while waiting for the next Scooby movie to come on._

_ "Pein-sama why don't you trust Hidan-san to drive?" His tone held innocence in his question. Pein sighed, knowing he would never hear the end of it from the overly religious man for bringing up the topic._

_ "Well Tobi the reason is because he played way too much Grand Theft Auto before taking his driving exam. He tried to run over several people, ran Kami only knows how many stop lights, and ran three states in the test car with his driving teacher and two other students in the back. He also cut the break and steering on the passenger side so the teacher couldn't stop him." Pein told him. Tobi seemed to nod in understanding but was soon lost in the world of Scooby Doo._

_ -In the car-_

_ "ITACHI SLOW DOWN! YOUR GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED!" Sasori shouted very uncharacteristically as he gripped the back of Itachi's seat. Deidara screamed like a girl as they narrowly avoided yet another minivan and Kisame didn't say a word, fearing that if he opened his mouth he would puke all over the car._

_ "WATCH OUT FOR THAT TRUCK YEAH!" Deidara screamed. Itachi began to laugh like a mad man._

_ "MUAHAHAHA! THE ROADS BELONG TO ME! AND SOON SO WILL THE WORLD!" Itachi cackled._

_ "OH DEAR KAMI WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE UN!" Deidara screamed again as he covered his eyes, Kisame squeezing his shut with his hand over his mouth, looking quite green._

_ After 20 more minutes of driving hell they finally reached the store. Deidara practically dove out, only being stopped by the seat belt which kept him from flying out the front windshield when Itachi slammed on the breaks. Sasori climbed from the metal death trap with a little more grace but with urgency behind every move. Kisame clumsily climbed out, falling to his knees and puking rather violently. After giving Kisame a few minutes to regain some control the four walked into the store to get what was needed, Kisame locking his hand around Itachi's wrist like a vice to keep him from running off while his psychotic driving high wore off._

_ After getting the things they came for and something to help with Kisame's Nausea the group got back in the car and began the horrifying trip home with Itachi once again taking the wheel._

_ The group managed to make it back to the house in one piece for the most part. As Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori walked in they received odd looks._

_ "I am never riding in a car with you ever again Itachi…" Sasori growled as he retired to his room after grabbing his puppet and tools._

_ "YOU'RE A FREAKING PSYCHO YEAH!" Deidara shouted as he followed his danna down the hall to his room. Pein and Konan looked at Itachi for answers when Kisame came stumbling in, clutching his stomach with one hand and a bottle of Pepto Bismol in the other, being a sickly green color._

_ "Please Pein-sama, for the love of Kami do not let Itachi drive ever again." Was the only thing he said before running off to puke. Itachi just shrugged before walking off to his room, leaving the pair and Tobi to watch as he left._

_ "Remind me to never let that man drive again." Pein mumbled, going back to his paper._

_ "At least he didn't do what Hidan-san did." Tobi piped up from the floor._

_ "HEY!"_

_**The End.**_


End file.
